Taking His Hand

Image by costales via Flickr

"I look to you, heaven-dwelling God, look up to you for help." Psalm 123:1

Are you seeking? Do you find yourself chasing every new theory of life and death in some sort of attempt to figure it all out? Are you lost? Do you still want to be found?

At various times in my life, these questions would have been answered with a sad and shaky "yes." I don't have a pretty testimony, but I'm not sure I would be as believable if I did. You see, I spent years, an intermittent DECADE even,searching for my Savior in moments of passion confused with love and eventually drugs that just blurred the moments together. And I can't even use addiction as an excuse. I could have stopped, but I CHOSE not to. Every time my heart reached heavenward, my flesh beat it down in sweat and poor choices. I was lost. A wretch. And no matter how many times I wanted to rise above the darkness I allowed the fear to keep me chained to my agony. Because who could love someone like me? A slut, a user, a lost girl?

And then in May of 2005 I found out exactly who loved me, and how much. You see, rather than abandoning me to a life that promised little save STDs and anguish, God stepped in with the one event that He knew would stop me in my tracks. After years of being told I could never have children I found out that I was pregnant. And my entire world skidded to a halt, flipped sideways, and dumped all of my self-absorbed garbage into the abyss. In that moment, I knew a love so profound that I could only walk around in a daze in awe of it. My God had saved me and blessed me all at the same time.

For the record, that was only the beginning of my transition from sinner to saved. Honestly, I'm still going through the steps towards spiritual maturity. And yes, I still sin, still have to ask for forgiveness, and I am still struggling with the demons of the past. But instead of going it alone, I am now empowered and enabled by the love of a God that never fails. And anyone who has known me for more than a year or so can see how far I've already come. All it took was a step in His direction and he quickly swept me into His arms and overwhelmed me with His matchless love.

The point that I feel like I need to get across is that, through all of my struggling, suffering and vain attempts to go it alone, God was standing there with His strong hand out just waiting for me to grab it so He could help pull me back up. He was a GPS trying to tell me the right way to turn only I had Him on mute because I was too busy getting lost to listen to directions. And He is here for you if you too are seeking, lost, scared, ashamed or confused. All you have to do is accept His helping hand - jump into the light and trust Him to catch you.

With so much to think about, let us pray:
Father, the mistakes I've made in my life are eating a hole inside of me. I am hurting for the things I have said and done and seeking to make sense of it all. It is this most vulnerable moment that I come to You. I lay my sin and sadness at your feet and gladly reach out to accept the helping hand you've been offering for so long. I put aside my past, and I leap into you arms and your purpose for my life wholeheartedly. I'm not looking back, only forward through eyes you have unblinded. Father I accept your forgiveness of my sins knowing that my slate is now wiped clean by the blood of your only son Jesus. From this day forward, from this very moment, I am Yours. I am no longer afraid. I am no longer lost. And I will never again be empty. For all that, I thank You Lord, in the name of the Father who loves me, the Son who died that I should live, and the Holy Spirit that lives inside me always. Amen.